A Touch
by T'Laina
Summary: A pane of glass had separated them as James T. Kirk faded out of existence. After the whole Khan incident, Jim and Spock realise what they need to truly heal and move on from the experience.


Spock saw the signs before Jim did. Spock quickly grabbed the trash can and thrust it in front of Jim as he hurled up the contents of his stomach.

Spock turned away as he did so but placed a reassuring hand on Jim's shoulder. When Jim was finished, Spock set aside the trash can and gently pushed Jim back onto a lying position.

He stood up straightening his shirt. He picked up the bin to go empty it and to wash his hands.

"I will return momentarily." He said quietly to Jim as he walked out the door. Jim nodded weakly with his eyes closed.

Spock removed the contents of the trash can and then thoroughly washed his hands. Spock wasn't a germaphobe, but uncleanliness was illogical. As Spock walked down the corridors of the Medical Centre back to Jim's room, Dr McCoy caught up to him.

"You keeping him under control Spock?" Bones asked.

"I am performing to the best of my abilities Doctor. He has vomited twice today, but he has not had a single fit which shows some progress." Spock stated calmly.

"Hm, OK. I'll check on him in an hour. If his vitals change or he throws up again, alert me immediately." Bones instructed. Spock nodded and turned to go back to Jim's room.

"Thank you for what you're doing Spock." Bones called. Spock turned around to face the doctor. "I'm sure Jim appreciates the effort you're putting in for him."

Spock gave another short nod.

"You are welcome Doctor McCoy." He then continued to his destination.

* * *

When Spock re-entered Jim's room, a nurse and Jim were battling it out over an IV.

"Sir, if you don't allow me to place the new IV in, I will have to bring Doctor McCoy back in to sedate you... Most likely with a hypospray..."

"I don't want a damn IV! I want to get the hell out of here!" Jim exclaimed as he attempted to rip the sheets off and escape the bed.

Spock stood back to see if the situation would calm down without intervention. Jim's body had severely disliked Khan's blood. It was taking a while for his body to adapt to it. It had no choice, it was adapt or die. But in the mean time, Jim had been violently ill and sometimes became confused, as he was currently.

The situation had not improved.

"Jim." Spock stated firmly.

Jim stopped dead in his tracks.

"Jim, you are behaving irrationally. You must allow the nurse to help you. You must recover." Spock informed Jim trying to keep him calm. Jim suddenly looked resigned. He looked to the nurse.

"Fine." He said after a slight pause. He turned to face Spock.

"But only because I didn't want you to make it an order Commander." Jim added with a glint of mischief in his eyes.

Spock sighed inwardly. Jim was becoming more like his old self every day. Jim's ability to act like a child in highly serious situations never ceased to fascinate Spock.

* * *

"It appears that Khan's blood is having a severe affect on his systems." Spock stated as he stood with Bones observing Jim as he slept.

"You can say that again Spock! But it's the only bloody thing that can keep him alive."

"Indeed." Spock stated simply, ignoring the irony in the use of the word 'bloody'.

"But don't worry Mr. Spock, he'll be right as rain soon." Bones added as he moved across the room to check Jim's vitals.

"Vulcans do not worry Doct-"

"Don't give me any of that BS Spock. I heard what you were like when Jim died. You went berserk." McCoy cut in.

Spock stared at McCoy blankly. He turned his gaze to fix it upon Jim. He watched the steady rise and fall of his chest. The pause was tense.

"I told myself I would never allow him to die. He is James T. Kirk; Captain of the Enterprise- an immortal figure. But he did die. And as he did so, a pane of glass separated me from giving him what he needed most. A comforting touch to give him peace as his life was taken away. The unfairness of his death, the manner in which he passed... His sacrifice saved us all from certain death. I couldn't help but think, it should have been me on the other side of that glass. I could never prepare for the torrent of emotions that Jim brought out in me. I couldn't comprehend a world without Jim in it. I thoroughly regret not being able to touch Jim at the moment of his death so that I could tell him that."

Spock finished and glanced back at McCoy who had a look of anguish on his face. He understood. Spock's cheeks tinged slightly green as he realised that he had just opened up to Doctor McCoy.

"You are two halves of a whole. You can't have Spock without Jim." Bones muttered. Spock was amazed at McCoy's ability to so simply express what he had just tried to convey.

Jim's eyes fluttered open. He looked very groggy.

"Are you two bitching about me? You know, that's not very nice to do to a man who was in a coma for two weeks and has been feeling like a piece of crap ever since." Jim teased, his voice croaky.

Bones gave him a playful scowl. Spock had to turn away as his blush deepened. Had Jim heard his speech to McCoy?

"You get yourself back to sleep Jim. I don't want you in here any longer than absolutely necessary!" Bones grumbled.

Jim smirked.

"I mean it kid!" Bones warned as he picked up a hypo threateningly.

"OK, OK!" Jim laughed with a raspy sounding throat. "But as long as Spock stays."

"Oh, so you prefer the hobgoblin over me now?"

Jim gives Bones a somewhat exasperated but good-natured look.

Bones turns to Spock.

"You know the drill."

Spock nodded.

"Goodnight Doctor McCoy."

* * *

Spock sat next to Jim as he slept, armed with a trash can by his feet just in case Jim vomited again.

Spock relished being able to sit near Jim and watch over him.

As Spock closed his eyes every night, he was racked with nightmares. He was losing Jim over and over again; he was never able to reach out to him.

It was better if he did not sleep, keeping watch on Jim was the perfect distraction.

Spock decided to fill in some of his report for the admiralty. He picked up his PADD and set to work, looking up at Jim every few minutes or so.

* * *

And so it was that Spock kept up this vigil until 0600 hours. Jim started to stir. Spock looked up as his friend regained consciousness. The endless blue that was Jim's eyes finally appeared.

"Mmm... Morning Spock." He drawled sleepily.

"Good morning Captain." Spock replied setting aside his PADD. Jim stretched his body out wincing in pain as he did so.

"For the love of God, Spock. We're clearly not on duty."

"My apologies Jim."

Jim looked disappointed in himself.

"Oh Spock, I didn't mean to harp on you. I'm so grateful for you being by my side that whole time... For looking out for me. I can be an ungrateful idiot sometimes."

Spock remained silent but shuffled forward to Jim in his chair. He placed his hands on the very edge of Jim's bed to bring himself closer to Jim.

"Your gratitude is appreciated Jim, but it has been the medical expertise of Doctor McCoy keeping you alive." Spock said quietly.

"I know, and I love him for it, but..." Jim paused. He reached out slowly and painfully towards Spock. He stretched out and put his hand on Spock's hand. A bold move. Spock reacted immediately by placing up his mental shields.

"You were there for me as I blinked out of existence Spock. It was so... incredibly painful and the whole time, all I wanted was to reach out to you physically. To be comforted by you in my last moments, because you are my friend."

Spock felt part of his mental shield start to crumble.

"You heard my conversation with Doctor McCoy?" Spock asked slowly.

"Yeah Spock. I did. I'm sorry for causing you so much pain."

"No Jim, it is I who am sorry. I'm sorry that I could not comfort you in your dying moments." Spock whispered trying to remain as stoic as possible.

Jim smiled endearingly at Spock. Spock's mental shields collapsed completely. He could feel the warmth that Jim felt for him flow into his body. Spock took Jim's hand properly and held it within both of his.

"Thank you for this moment Spock." Jim said, eyes twinkling.

No more words needed to be said. The moment they had needed at Jim's death had finally come. Spock was grateful that they could finally connect physically after the whole ordeal. He sent feelings of friendship and care to Jim through their touch, the thing he had wanted to do as Jim passed away.

For Jim Kirk to truly heal, for Spock to move on...

All they had needed was a touch.

* * *

**A/N: This could be read as an ambiguous Kirk/Spock fic however it was meant as friendship. Whatever floats your boat. Apologies if Spock seemed OOC. Reviews would be very helpful!**


End file.
